I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
