I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
