My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
