@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
