When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
