your thong is hanging out like whoa
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
