return my video game
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
