mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
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