life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
