I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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