Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
