I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
