I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
