***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
