Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Sorry about my life...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Will exercising make me less horny?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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