Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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