he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
