If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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