So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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