i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
