Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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