so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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