I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
