As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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