I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
