i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
