I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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