I want to make a zoo with you.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
