Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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