Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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