Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
