How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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