On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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