exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
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