My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
