If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
