The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
