I can text with my tongue
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
