She tied me up with her honor cords...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
