life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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