she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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