I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
