Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
