There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
its liver damage thursday
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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