my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
