dude i'm inner monologue high
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
