You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
