you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Every concussion has its silver lining
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
