The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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