Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
