He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
